Can I be sad?

As we look around it seems the world is demanding us always to be happy and cherish. As a result, we become unable to bear ours and others’ sorrow.

Throughout our life, there are moments when the only thing we want is for people to let us stay with our sadness. Not the kind of sadness that turns into depression, but the one that allows us to become aware of what is important. The one where we can find strength and resilience to start having a more meaningful life.

Being in contact with our pain is not something we learn at school. On the contrary, at a very young age, we are told to hide our feelings. And that shapes our behavior and relationships. How many times have we been asked if everything was okay and we replied yes when we wanted to say no? Times when the pain was so deep that we thought our heart could come out of the chest. Times when we hurt someone or were hurt. Times when our world collapsed because what we dreamed of was no longer possible.

Those are the moments when we need people to support us on our sadness. Instead, they say things like 'do not be sad', 'do not cry', 'you have to move on'. And in their eagerness to rescue us, what they do not realize is that we only need them to be able to be with our pain. For them to let us feel it. For them not to ask us to pretend that everything is okay. For them to be comfortable with our silence or monologs.

What they are also not aware is that when rescuing us, they are protecting themselves from their pain. That is very hard to go deep and live with what we find. That it is very hard to be honest, and straight and be ready to live with the pain we inflict on others.

All this being true in a personal context, it is also true (maybe even truer!) in a professional context. How often can we tolerate the sadness we provoke on others when delivering bad news? And how often are we prepared to support them in their sadness?

In the workplace, we are supposed to show our feelings even less. What is acceptable is much less, what is unacceptable is even more. That is how we end up saying everything is perfect when what we really wanted to say is that our world is falling apart. And that is how we are creating organisations that are not prepared to get the best of us!